standing in the ashes of who I used to be
I’ve spent my 18 years of life trying to be okay with the fact that humans fade in and out of each others’ lives. No matter how I think about it, I can’t make it sound romantic or poetic. To those who have already passed through my life and to those who eventually will: I love you. I miss you. The back door will always be unlocked if you ever feel like coming home.
picture this: me in the south of france on a balcony, in a slip dress, long beautiful hair blowing in the soft breeze, sipping a glass of fine wine. i’m accomplished and have documented my life in journals. the love of my life inspires me and we vacation here occasionally.
crazy that i’m only able to see life through my own eyes.. there’s over 7 billion other perspectives i’ll never be able to have.. over 7 billion stories i won’t ever be able to fully know. we all get such a small slice of the experience of life.. pass by strangers every day that we’ll never be aware of. what are they going through? what are they thinking about? i always wonder..
Did you know that for pretty much the entire history of the human species, the average life span was less than thirty years? You could count on ten years or so of real adulthood, right? There was no planning for retirement, There was no planning for a career. There was no planning. No time for plannning. No time for a future. But then the life spans started getting longer, and people started having more and more future. And now life has become the future. Every moment of your life is lived for the future—you go to high school so you can go to college so you can get a good job so you can get a nice house so you can afford to send your kids to college so they can get a good job so they can get a nice house so they can afford to send their kids to college.
“She’s the heart of life, she’s the dreamer’s dream, she’s the hands of time, she’s the queen of kings.”
-Keith Urban
“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.”
— Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
Once you graduate high school, you see who your real friends are. People change. Someone who you thought was your best friend will cut you off completely. Some of us enter high school with plenty of friends and end with only a few close ones. Others of us enter high school with only a few close friends and end with no friends at all. It’s just how life is. It’s like that sometimes. It sucks but it happens to almost everyone.
I would stay up every night for the rest of my life if it meant I get to talk to you
~ You are worth it
“I can wade grief, Whole pools of it,— I’m used to that.”
— Emily Dickinson, from Part One: Life (XXXV) in “The Collected Poems Of Emily Dickinson”
i really do want to be productive and make something of my life but i just love… Laying Down… so much. nothing makes me happier
